Hello Out There.....

Okay, here's the thing - I know "Oneder Woman" sounds a little in love with myself, but it's not what you think. Notably, it's not 'wonder,' like wonderful, wondrous, or even wondering. I didn't choose the name because of the obvious link to the seminal female superhero.

I am becoming Oneder Woman, and the name represents goals for myself that are both internal and external. As I am sure I will be posting about frequently, my weight is an issue. Not a 'oh, I'm so fat, I'm a size 14' kind of issue - more like, if I gain an ounce, no store will have clothes that fit me; it's hard to tie my shoes; amusement parks are a nonstarter because I don't fit in the rides kind of issue.

You don't find professional football linemen that weigh what I weigh. Heavyweight boxers don't weigh what I weigh. Hell, small vehicles don't weigh what I weigh.

Okay, maybe that last one was an exaggeration, but only slightly. I weigh 325 pounds, and that's not my highest weight. I topped out at 365 pounds, and I swear, one of the only reasons I didn't end it all right there was the idea of the sheer size of my casket, not to mention the number of strong men it would take to haul me down the aisle. Plus, my husband would have to find something for me to wear, which would mean he would find out my size. So, for that (and actually valid, obvious reasons) I decided that kind of permanent action was not the answer.

I am hopeful, I hope you can tell, but it took a drastic step to get me here. After years of struggling, trying Jenny Craig, and Weight Watchers (both good programs), prescribed pills, exercise, and fantasizing about just cutting the fat off my body, I had LAP-band surgery. Lots of people have strong feelings about this kind of medical intervention, some even think it's morally wrong, but so far it's been the right choice for me. Since April I've lost about 40 pounds, and though I haven't been perfect, I feel good about my decision.

So, calling myself Oneder Woman isn't about who I think I am, but rather it's about who I am becoming - the real me, the confident person who doesn't mind if people really see her, who doesn't hide behind layers of fat. The 'One' in Oneder Woman refers to weighing less than 200 pounds for the first time since college. The 'One' refers to being the size of one person, not two or three large people. The 'One' refers to being one person, not trying to be everything to everyone, not trying to be perfect, and to knowing that I am not 'less than' either.

Becoming Oneder Woman means becoming the one woman God created me to be, no more, no less.